When Dad stops making those growly sounds I know it’s almost time for breakfast, unless he just gets up to go the to room they use instead of going outside like we dogs all have to. If he goes to the room, I hop over the pen and I have to be careful because if I go watch him there like I like to, then Good Dog might go, which is OK because then, when Dad is done if he goes back to bed I can beat Good Dog back there and hop into the bed, but if I don’t Good Dog might go lie down on her bed, which is right next to Dad, and then I’ll have to squeeze between Good Dog and the wall to get around so I can hop in the bed, but I won’t do that ’cause Good Dog is so scary and mean, even if Dad doesn’t know it, so I just have to stand out in the hall and look into the room until Dad holds Good Dog by the nose so I’m not afraid anymore and then I can hop in the bed OK and then Dad lets me snuggle him for a while before he gets up and we eat.
I know Mom doesn’t like it when Dad makes all those growly sounds all night, but I like them because then I can sort of fall asleep and I still know that he’s close by. She tries to make him stop, and she pokes him, and then squeezes his nose and stuff, and sometimes then he gets mad and sometimes I think that maybe that’s because he knows I like to hear those noises he makes so I know he’s close by and I don’t get scared, but I don’t know if that’s why.
I know sometimes Dad doesn’t like me much, but I hope he’s liking me more now that I’m trying so hard to be a good dog. I know Dad was sad when my first people Mom gave me to him because the first time my now people Dad and Mom came to see me the now people Mom came and sat in our pen and we all climbed up on her because she seemed nice and all the puppies wanted to get a good new people Mom and Dad and these seemed nice, but then my real Mom went and sat on the lap of the maybe new people Mom and made us all get off and the maybe new people Mom made a lot of happy noises like “Lilly, Lilly, what a wonderful dog you are” and all.
But the first people Mom said “This is the one you’ll probably get” and picked me up and gave me to this maybe new people Dad and he looked kind of sad, like he knew I was the littlest and maybe didn’t have nice fur and maybe he noticed the little bump behind my ear that is bad because we are all supposed to be perfect but some of us aren’t, but he seemed like he wanted a different one of us instead of me, maybe just a little.
The new people Dad and Mom came back then and they took me and I was happy because they were very nice people but the new people Dad seemed sad still that I was so little and not a boy, like he made a mistake. He said to new people Mom “Maybe I should have gotten a boy so I could have named him Omar instead of this tiny little thing” and that made me sad because the new people Dad seemed like a nice man and I loved him and wanted to make him happy.
We sat in the car for a long time and I tried to be so good I didn’t howl or make a fuss or make a mess and tried as hard as I knew to be a good dog so the new people Dad and Mom would love me because they were nice and I loved them. We stopped and they took me out of the car and Dad carried me and then there were two giant dogs that I didn’t know and they looked at me very mean and I was afraid, but I didn’t howl or make a mess because I wanted Dad to love me. I sat in the corner and Dad and Mom called the mean big dogs Good Dog and Affable Dog, but they didn’t look Good or Affable to me.
The big dogs left me alone for a long time. I tried to be nice to them like to real Mom or my brothers and sisters but they acted like I wasn’t there. Dad was nice to me and I think he loved me now. I sat on his lap and snuggled in bed and he carried me around and many people stopped and said things like “Oh!!!! She’s soooooo adorrrrrableeeee!!!” all the time and it was nice except when the big dogs were there and they just looked at me all the time mean.
One day I was sitting with Dad and Good Dog came up and said “Listen you little bitch, you think you rule the roost now eh? I’m going to show you. I’m going to turn you over and tear open your cute little tummy and tear out your liver and eat it, fava beans or not.” Dad doesn’t know that we talk to each other like this no people know we don’t make any sound or move or anything like that we just know and this is what Good Dog said to me when she came up to me. I was very scared, so I snarled and snapped at Good Dog just to protect myself because I was so scared, but Good Dog just laughed and said “Watch this!” and Dad said “Bad doggy, why are you doing this to poor old Good Dog, she didn’t do anything” and then he jerked me by the collar but I was trying to be a good doggy I was just really scared and Dad petted Good Dog and said “Good Girl you’re a good old dog, I’m sorry I brought that stupid puppy home” and I started to cry and Good Dog laughed at me.
Then one day Affable Dog came up to me while I was sitting on the sofa with Mom and he said to me “Listen you little bitch, that’s MY Mom, and I’m going to snap your skinny little left front leg and suck all the marrow out of it!” And I got scared, so I snarled and snapped at Affable Dog and Mom kicked me off the sofa and put me outside in the dark by myself and I was scared and Mom was petting Affable Dog and saying “Poor old Affable Dog! Why did that little dog attack you?” and Affable Dog looked out the window at me and laughed.
Good Dog and Affable Dog kept saying these horrible scary things to me and scaring me so I snarled and snapped at them just because I was afraid and Dad and Mom kept being mean to me because they didn’t know what the big terrible dogs were doing because they don’t know how we talk. I was trying to be a good dog and we went to all these places with other people and dogs and they made me do these things and I tried to be a good dog and do whatever they wanted when I understood it and I understood it most of the time and Dad and Mom would say “She’s such a good little thing in obedience class, but she attacks Good and Affable for no reason. I wonder what is wrong with her?” because they didn’t know the terrible things Good Dog and Affable Dog kept saying to me.
Finally they thought I was a bad dog and Dad started to talk about giving me back to first people Mom or maybe a new people Dad because I was such a bad dog but they didn’t know why and I wasn’t being such a bad dog I was just scared but even the vet said “My dog acted like that, she’d get a taste of my boot” and I was afraid that Dad might give me a taste of his Five Fingers because Dad doesn’t wear boots because his feet hurts he says that all the time and I listen because I love Dad even though he thinks I’m a bad dog.
One day a mean lady with a funny voice came to see Dad and Mom and Good Dog and Affable Dog and me. We were all happy because we like new people and when new people come Good Dog and Affable Dog get all happy and aren’t mean to me, but Mean Lady didn’t like us much even when we all jumped on her and wagged our tails and all. Mean Lady came in and sat in Dad’s chair and I went over to be a good dog and say hello and wag my tail and Good Dog and Affable Dog came over and sat on either side of me and Good Dog looked at Affafble Dog and said “When I give the word I’ll grab this back leg and you get the other and we’ll pull her in half!” and then Good Dog said “Now!” so I turned and snarled and snapped because that is a horrible thing to do to a little dog and I jumped into Mean Lady’s lap to get away from them and they chased me and there was a big fight right on Mean Lady’s lap and Good Dog kept saying “Get her, get her leg!” and I kept snarling and snapping because that is a terrible mean and scary thing to do to a little dog like me.
And then Mean Lady said that if Dad didn’t do something he would have to put me to sleep but I didn’t know what that meant because I try to be a good dog and every night at bed time I go to sleep like a good little dog because I love Dad and he wants me to and the only reason I’m bad is because the big mean dogs scare me so much when they say those awful things they are going to do to me.
After the Mean Lady left Dad started to be nice to me and when the big dogs said they were going to bite holes in my skull and suck my brains out or bite off my nose and use it for chewing gum or tear off my ears and chew them like the pig ears Dad gets for us when we are good dogs or Affable Dog says he is going to bite off what is left of my tail or Good Dog says she wants to bite a hole in my tummy and suck out my intestines and slurp them down like spaghetti whatever they are and I get scared and snarl and snap Dad just puts me in the other room where the people go instead of outside like the dogs. If I’m a good dog and don’t whine and scratch he lets me out. I don’t like it because I’m all alone and I hate that but at least those big mean dogs stop saying all those horrible things to me. But Dad doesn’t let me sit on him any more and I have to sleep in a box and be a good dog and not whine even though all I want to do is go sit on Dad because I love him and I want him to love me.
After a while, Good Dog and Affable Dog didn’t bother me so much. They got back to just complaining that Dad didn’t walk them enough because he was either riding his bike or taking a nap and that Mom always wanted to take us to those places where they made us do all those things around these other dogs and we get treats but it’s boring and we’d rather be at home asleep or that we never get enough to eat and that Dad should get more meat to give us. Once I heard Good Dog say to Affable dog that it wasn’t so much fun to tell me horrible things because Dad just put me in a room and wasn’t mean to me and there wasn’t much point in scaring me if they didn’t benefit from it.
So now, Good Dog and Affable Dog aren’t so mean to me and sometimes they even act like I’m here and another dog and even play with me which is fun until Good Dog grabs my leg and pretends that she will snap it and suck the marrow out but I don’t think that she ever really meant she was going to do all those things that she said just to scare me so I would be a bad dog and Dad would like her more than me and maybe even not love me at all. I don’t have to sleep in a box anymore just a pen that I can hop over if I want to but I don’t because I try really hard to be a good dog so Dad will love me but sometimes I can hop out if I have been a good dog or in the morning and Dad will let me burrow under the sheets and if he has eaten nice food for dinner sometimes it smells really good there and he makes growly sounds so I know here’s there and he loves me.