Things were not well in The Logging Road Cyclist’s Forest Estate. A nasty, reactionary insurgency threatened to undo all of his progress towards building his own little socialist Utopia in the woods, where each contributed according to his means, and received according to his needs. The Utopia had a population of 4: TLRC and the three dogs, Good, Affable, and Devil Puppy. TLRC had almost all of the means, while the dogs had almost all of the needs. Their means were, respectively, to be devoted, friendly and to sit around and look beautiful, like a model or gun moll. Still up for debate was whether or not Devil Puppy’s need to be snuggled was a means or a need.

In any case, since the means were his, TLRC thought it appropriate that TLRCFE was run as a benevolent dictatorship. Under TLRCSoc he alone directed for the benefit of all. “Call me Big TLRC,” he would say while his big soothing eyes would calm the proles, “tonight we will all have our Pro Plan. Pro Plan has always been our food”, even though they had switched from IAMS not long before, when it had always been their food.

Big TLRC.

Those fortunate enough to have been on a long (say more than 4 1/2 hours) ride with Big TLRC knew his political views in some depth. He admired that sturdy and reasonable socialism born in the Upper Midwest, Manitoba and Saskatchewan and lamented their recent decline beneath the rising tide of corporate reaction spawned during the Reaganite/Thatcherite surge.  Imagine his dismay, then, when under his own nose he found a similar plot.

In his muddling Socialist way, TLRC had brought Devil Puppy to the Utopia with the best of  intentions. She would provide some cheer to The Good Dog as she approached her senescence. The Affable Dog would, no doubt enjoy the company of his own kind.

At first, all went well.

(l-r): Good Dog, Devil Puppy, Affable Dog.

Then, slowly, little things began to go askew. Discontented mutterings rose from Devil Puppy. She wanted more for herself, and less for the others and was willing to use raw intimidation to get her way. Fights erupted. Snarls and snaps ruled the roost, all emanating  from DP. As the other dogs cowered, Big TLRC thought he heard Devil Puppy murmur to them “…four legs good, two legs bad, four legs good, two legs bad…” over and over. Suddenly it was clear to Big TLRC. Although man of peace, he knew his Trotstky, Mao and Ho. This was reaction, pure and simple. A textbook Sendero Luminoso tactic, adopted for reaction instead of revolution: terrorize the populace to bring on repression which will in turn bring uprising. Devil Puppy was not above co-opting  classic leftist propaganda and tactics to seize control of the Utopia for her corporatist ends! Doubleplusungood!

No fool he, Big TLRC realized he was out of his depth, and co-opting corporatist tactics himself, called in a consultant, an Animal Behaviorist from a northern tier state in the EU. She would brook no nonsense, while at the same time avoiding the repression Devil Puppy was seeking.  TLRCFE was turned into one large re-education camp. It was, in the words of Pol Pot, The Year Zero.

Re-education Camp, Year Zero, TLRCFE.

First a program of collective punishment was imposed. No beds, no furniture, no rushing out or in doors like a pack of wild hogs.  No feeding from the table. Sit, Stay, Sit, Stay, Sit, Stay, on and on… For Devil Puppy, special treatment was reserved. No more sitting on Big TLRC. No more snuggling in bed, indeed, she was to be crated away from the bedroom. No more sitting on Big TLRC’s feet. No attention or affection without it’s price: Sit, Down, Stay, Heel, and, for snarling, snapping, fighting or  other completely proscribed behaviors there was:

“You asked me once, what is in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.” O’Brien to Winston Smith, 1984.

For Devil Puppy, what is in Room 101? Nothing. No dog, no Human. Not even a harsh word, just no word. Just her, a Springer Spaniel. Alone. The worst thing in the world. A minute sufficed….

After the crisis, the dogs were at The Long-Suffering Girlfriend’s house, watching her in the garden. Big TLRC was away on a ride. It was a beautiful day, periods of warm sunshine punctuating cold rain.  The Good Puppy sat under the awning lapping at her clove-flavoured Victory Gin, gazing fondly at the other dogs. The gate rattled: Big TLRC was home. Good Puppy trotted over to where he knelt, stroking The Good Dog’s head. The puppy came up behind Good Dog and lay down, touching her and smiling up at Big TLRC. He looked down with his large, soft eyes, and petting them both said over and over, “Good doggies, good doggies…” The Good Puppy rolled further over on her side and drifted off to sleep. She loved Big TLRC.

In the six months or so that the website has been up, The Logging Road Cyclist has been overwhelmed and humbled by all the great comments from so many nice people. The first two, one from a bail bond company and one from an automobile VIN search site particularly touched TLRC because they aren’t even cyclists, yet they still reached out to TLRC in it’s infancy. Since then the steady stream of folks offering Prozac, Viagra and Cialis, Ugg boots and a lot of other stuff that TLRC can’t even figure out because they are in some odd language that looks like English but isn’t has made him realize that there are just a lot of very friendly people reaching out. Adding in the other 4 comments, 3 from friends and one from a real cyclist with his own website brings TLRC nearly to tears.

To thank you all, TLRC has had a specially designed TLRC magnetic sticker made. Now you all can can show you are part of the TLRC community! Get one for your old truck:

Or enough for the whole family!

Get yours today, and show the world that you too love TLRC! And Thanks!

Oregon Spring, that fickle vixen, is up to her old tricks. Just two weeks ago, The Logging Road Cyclist strung together yet another loop out in the Siuslaw in tank top, shorts and blindingly sunny conditions (Cannibals, Indians and a Grave). Doubtless this contributed to the sense of daring that lead him to really step out and participate in the first “organized” ride of his life: the brand-spanking new 2013 Rickreall Gravel classic, for which torrential rain, punctuated by sleet and a minute here, minute there o’ sunshine obtained.  At the start, TLRC felt  bit out of place in his subfusc gear, and then was stunned at how rapidly the bulk of the peloton vanished into the curtains of rain and mist, leaving  him alone (as usual) and in the gap between the merely pathetic and the hopeless. Since the ride was, at that point, much like any other ride (except for all the tire tracks), he decided on a diversion from the “official” route and snooped around again for the elusive Rickreall Limestones that are supposedly well exposed in a quarry or two nearby. After being warned by some civil locals of a crazy coot who lived at the quarry entrance and who had a penchant for greeting strangers with a gun, TLRC hewed close to The MORE Fundamental Axiom, gave it up, and completed the “lite” version of The Classic, the better to get home early and take The Long Suffering Girlfriend out for a penitential (and pricey!) dinner to make up for an indiscretion from the week before, namely not signalling enough with the SPOT,  thus needlessly raising her anxieties. TLRC was looking forward to a dinner with a vaguely French-sounding name himself. Besides, he was tired, and wanted to go home and get dry.

The next week was cold and rainy, and TLRC found it difficult to get out for his usual training, although some time in there he went out and put Outback in the Mac-Dunn rides section.  Just this weekend, he decided it was time to stop moping around and get on with life, no matter how Spring had deteriorated. Clearly what was needed was one of the good old classics on Saturday, come rain snow or shine, and some company who knew and loved the ride. The Ride: Feagles Cr. (40mi, 4500′). The Company: The steadast and sturdy D., who has  is an apparent tolerance for both TLRC’s alleged chattiness and his (TLRC’s) conviction that poor D. can never know enough local geology.  Two can play at that game: D., a man of letters with a keen political eye always teaches TLRC a thing or two himself. Between the two, a veritable cyclo-Chautauqua.

With Spring conditions obtaining, The Logging Road Cyclist found himself lollygagging around for a couple of weekends on Perry-Roubaix Plus, and the Rickreall Cr-Falls City loop part of the upcoming Rickreall Gravel Classic. These were actually really fun, sunny and warm rides! But TLRC felt himself growing soft, and it was time to head back to Laurel Mountain on a day of unsettled weather that shifted from a closed-out sky and cold rain to dusting snow to bright giddy sunlight. TLRC and D. were heading up Mill Cr. to Boulder Pass, D. for the ride, TLRC for the ride and the limestone he was stunned to learn outcropped at the pass. The early start was delayed, first by one member of the party who became mesmerized by all the different types and thickness of lines on the pavement at Circle and Ninth and sat through most of the green light, and then by the other who realized near Monmouth that he had forgotten his shoes. No matter, the team was well together, and it passed off like the spring rains from a fishy-tasting Merganser’s back.

Mill Cr. is an absolutely gorgeous stream flowing through a canyon that is alternately impressively wooded and massively cut. With water it would be a fun little kayak run. About 2 1/2 miles into the ride, a sign announces that the road along the Creek is permanently closed. Dutifully, our pair headed up the steep new road that was apparently the detour. After about 1/2 mile of steep loose climbing with no real indication of where they were headed, they opted to return to the old road to see about pushing through along it. There are a couple of berms, some soft and some rocky stretches and one big washout to cross.

In this rare photo, TLRC himself can be seen deftly negotiating the big washout on the 7-6-8.

Easy riding beyond passes some beautiful views of the creek,

and a truly awesome clearcut.

Careful study of the map lead TLRC to demand that an attempt be made to ride through this

which wound up here

because he had a vague memory rattling around from ten years ago that he had gone this way. Retreating, they took the main road (aka “Horrible Hill”), which has the worst combination of thick, loose gravel and steepness that TLRC can recall. There aren’t many maintained logging roads TLRC and D. can’t ride up, but they both skidded out and walked parts of this:

Horrible Hill

Between various delays, TLRC’s atavistic route finding and the soiree to which he had committed himself (and had no desire to be late for, thereby incurring the wrath of The Long-Suffering Girlfriend), the duo only made it partway up the impressive deep canyon of Shumway Cr. before heading for home. It had been a great day.

It’s been a big week here at TLRC!

Two new rides: Ride Around Prairie Mtn, and, in California, the Columbia-Stanislaus Loop.

Also, direct gpx file downloads have been added.

Finally, a TLRC tip o’ the hat to the upcoming Rickreall Gravel Classic (April 6). This looks great!

TLRC is back! After a minor, embarrassing “affliction”, which required a “procedure” to rectify, TLRC was  “out of the saddle” for a while. While trying to stay in shape on the stationary recumbent, he managed to wangle himself a pretty nasty bout of ITB inflamation that took a while longer to cure. Then came the Ice Age, and since the unfortunate event of last year (the one involving the patch of ice and the broken pelvis), TLRC is reticent about ice riding. Thus the hiatus. If this all sounds like the querulous rantings of an aging cyclist, you’re right!

Anyhow, TLRC is ridin’ and recordin’ agin, even if he’s in pitiful shape. Check out Table Mountain and the new Laurel Mountain section and ride!

See the new section on Bald Mountain, and another Mac/Dunn ride (number 4).

You don’t need to spend much time in Oregon’s Spectacular Coast Range before stumbling on a shooting pit; they’re everywhere. It’s truly amazing the stuff that people shoot up. TLRC has seen computers, major appliances, water heaters, cars of course, R&B vinyl records etc., etc. Even once a teddy bear. That was a bit much in TLRC’s opinion. Places with the best views seem to draw the shotgunners, likely because of how cool it is to throw clays off into space. Lot’s of fire rings in those spots  too.

By an informal and nonscientific sample, TLRC concludes that for rifles, 7.62×39 ammo is the most popular, followed by 5.65×45. Does it follow that there are more AK-47’s out there than there are AR-15 variants? Or do the AK boys just shoot

The Brass Family enjoying the view in Oregon’s Spectacular Coast Range, (l-r), Mr. Brass (5.65×45, for AR-15 and variants), Mrs. Brass (7.62×39, for AK-47’s and variants), Baby Brass (9mm, for more kinds of pistols than there are stars in the sky).

more? Maybe the ammo is cheaper. For pistols there is WAY more 9mm out there than anything else, .40SW, .38/.357 or certainly 45ACP. What, TLRC muses, does this say about the patriotism of our clearcut gunners? Why so much Cold War enemy hardware and effete Euro-ACP? How is that one almost never finds brass from America’s Gun, the 1911 .45?

Anyway, to the TLRC plan. He is keeping a secret map of all these places so that after the apocalypse when supplies of lead, copper and tin are gone, he can ride a donkey out to his little treasure houses and “harvest” these precious materials and keep the world supplied, and himself in an advantageous bartering position. In the meantime he is putting out some feelers (kickstarter, and a few venture capitalists he knows from his former days in the mineral industries and in Silicon Valley) so that by starting a  base metal localvore movement, TLRC can make beaucoup bucks, while rendering moot such monstrosities as the Pebble Creek Mine.

Funny how it seems to take forever to get to this stuff. Maybe it was the stress of the election. Anyway, a new pretty-long-for-a-local-ride ride through the Mac/Dunn Forests outside Corvallis has been added, as well as one of TLRC’s old classic favorites: Grass Mountain out by Alsea. Enjoy!

A new section to be filled with rides in the MacDonald/Dunn Forest outside of Corvallis has been started. As with all else here at TLRC, more content is on the way, so stay tuned!!!!!